Quotes of the Week: ‘Modern Family,’ ‘Vampire Diaries,’ ‘Castle,’ and More

It’s that time again. Another week of TV has come and gone (almost), so let’s review some of the best lines from this past week of television… *WARNING: Spoilers ahead.*

How I Met Your Mother – “Ducky Tie”

Ted: “Geez, Lily, it’s like you have a butt on your chest.”

Castle – “Head Case”

Castle: “I seem to remember asking you to make me an E.T. Halloween costume and you told me you didn’t know how to sew.” Martha: “Details. Besides, you were 32 at the time.”

Glee – “I Am Unicorn”

Will: “Do you eat a whole chicken every day?” Coach Beiste: “I eat a whole chicken at every meal.”

New Girl – “Kryptonite”

Jess: “No! I can’t call Spencer. I haven’t talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that’s not fair. She might be a really nice ho.”

Modern Family – “Phil on Wire”

Cam: “Oh, so, what? I’m supposed to put off my quest for wellness until we’re not socially in-demand? That will never happen. I’m too charismatic.”

Suburgatory – “Pilot”

George (on why he moved to the suburbs): “I’m more attracted to the school system, the clean air…” Noah: “But you can’t have sex with the school system. Not really.”

The Vampire Diaries – “The End of the Affair”

Damon: “I’m shocked! Stefan’s not a virgin?”

Klaus: “So this is the famous Stefan Salvatore I’ve been hearing so much about. You’re right. He does have funny hair.”

Nikita – “Falling Ash”

Birkhoff (to Michael): “Don’t give me the goatee of intimidation.”

I’m so glad somebody pointed out Stefan’s ridiculous hair. Is there some rule that all tortured, good-guy vampires have to have weird hair? (See: Angel, Bill Compton) What were your favorite quotes this week? Leave them in the comments, or tweet us @PopCultureNexus!