Quotes of the Week: Strip Clubs, Hookers, & NBC Sitcoms

Barney assumes leadership of the gang on 'How I Met Your Mother,' Schmidt pays a hefty douchebag fine on 'New Girl,' and Fred bets the farm (and his pants) on 'Suburgatory.'

Happy weekend! You know what that means: it’s time to catch up on all the TV you missed this week, and reflect on the highs and lows of the past week. Here are the hilarious highlights from this week of television…

How I Met Your Mother 7×14 “46 Minutes”

Barney: “Tonight is gonna be LEGEN… wait, are we sure it’s a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut up, Lily, I’m in charge now… DARY!”

2 Broke Girls 1×14 “And the Upstairs Neighbor”

Caroline: “Earl, does she look like a hooker?”
Earl: “I don’t like to judge a book by its cover. But if she was a book, she would be the kind that other books paid for sex.”

Glee 3×10 “Yes/No”

Coach Roz: “If you pee in my pool, I will kill you.”

Raising Hope 2×11 “Mrs. Smartypants”

Virginia: “So put down the book and go watch TV. And nothing smart. No PBS, and no NBC sitcoms.”

Suburgatory 1×12 “The Casino Trip”

George (to a very anxious and pants-less Fred): “Where are your pants?”
Fred: “I bet them.”

Modern Family 3×13 “Little Bo Bleep”

Phil: “Some voters find Claire angry and unlikeable. To those voters I would say…wait till she reads this.”

30 Rock 6×02 “Idiots Are People Two!”

Jack (showing Liz a pie chart of TGS viewership): “Who do you think watches your show? Black nerds, Jet Blue passengers who fell asleep with the TV on, pets whose owners have died, and…idiots.”

New Girl 1×10 “The Story of the 50″

Schmidt: “Darn it, has anyone seen my croquet cleats?”

Parks & Recreation 4×12 “Campaign Ad”

Ron (breaking bad news to a Parks Dept. employee): “The important thing is the dam is never happening, and your dream has been crushed.”