If I’m being totally honest, I’m still not 100% sure what the reasoning behind this week’s big crime was. Then again, I tend to kind of zone out when Michael Ealy and Karl Urban aren’t on screen. (In my head I imagine them off together reenacting scenes from Dirty Dancing and feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries.) At first it seemed like some radical group known as the “Holy Reclamation Army” was behind it—which I was actually kind of intrigued by—but then it was like, “JK, just your standard Palladium heist. NBD.” So that was a little disappointing. But on the plus side, John and Dorian spent a good portion of the episode stuck in a stairwell together, which is never a bad thing.
Leave it to Fox to pull the sex card in the second episode of a new series. If the pilot assured viewers that they were in for a thrill ride of action, violence, and futuristic special effects, episode 2 was a not-so-subtle reminder that Almost Human also offers oodles of sex appeal. Personally, I was just grateful they didn’t go the other predictable route and find some excuse to have Minka Kelly go undercover as a prostitute or something. If you’re going to portray women as nothing more than sexual objects, at least make them actual objects. Of course, this show operates on the idea that some robots have the capacity for human emotion, but nonetheless, I’d rather see actual robots than female characters who act like robots. But enough about the morality of using sex bots as a ploy to garner ratings… Read the rest of this entry
Joel Wyman (one of the brilliant minds behind Fringe) has a new show on Fox, which means my life finally has meaning again! At least until this one gets canceled. (Just kidding…I hope.) Almost Human puts a futuristic spin on the buddy cop genre by pairing a surly detective with an android partner who has been programmed to be as close to human as possible—complete with a sense of humor, a temper, and all kinds of other fun side effects of humanity. Karl Urban (Star Trek) plays John Kennex, the robo-phobic cop who wears his scowl like it’s part of his uniform. His android partner Dorian is played by Michael Ealy (The Good Wife), who might actually be the most beautiful person to ever live. If any of you watched Ealy’s buddy cop series Common Law on USA last year, this is pretty much the same premise, but one of them is a robot. Of course, no one watched Common Law, which is why it was canceled. But enough about my poor track record with TV shows…
Before we dive into this recap, let’s get a few things straight: 1) Michael Ealy has the face of an angel and the body of a Britney Spears backup dancer, and I will be commenting on his unearthly beauty with extreme frequency. Get used to it. 2) There’s a pretty good chance that I will be operating under the assumption that John and Dorian should be/are in a romantic relationship. (Don’t blame me for their sizzling onscreen chemistry.) Lastly, 3) Please be advised that approximately 80% of the content of my recaps is sheer nonsense. The other 20% is probably stray observations that no one cares about, references to Fringe or Lost, and shameless appreciation of Michael Ealy.
Well, you can’t say I didn’t warn you. Let’s get started!
“Sacrifice” was an appropriate title for the Arrow season finale since it was definitely the central theme of the episode. That, and dramatic lighting cues. (More on that later.) Oliver’s father sacrificing his life so his son could live; Oliver sacrificing his love life to help save Starling City; Detective Lance sacrificing his safety to try to save the Glades; and of course, the incomparable Tommy Merlyn, whose sacrifice marked the single saddest moment of the show to date—including that time Yao Fei made Oliver kill a chicken. (RIP Clucky.) I have to say, I was pretty shocked by the ending, but it was a sufficiently climactic finale, due in large part to the aforementioned dramatic lighting.
I think this is a good time to mention that I have signed up for an intro to archery class, which may prove to be a fatal exercise in misdirected fanaticism for all things Hunger Games, Hawkeye, and Green Arrow related. So wish me luck! (I’ll need it, given my track record with pointy objects.) I was hoping that watching Shado try to teach Oliver how to shoot would prepare me for my own lesson, but the two of them seemed to be practicing something other than archery…unless I’m doing it wrong. I didn’t think archery involved that much tongue. But I’m getting ahead of myself… This week’s episode of Arrow had a lot going on: breakups, man feelings, Whedon alumni, orphans, and two shirtless scenes. All in all, a fairly well rounded episode, though it could have used more Felicity Smoak, if you ask me. Let’s begin at the beginning…
If you’ve ever read any of my Fringe photo recaps, I think you all know what’s going to be the central theme of this recap. No, it’s not the chemistry between Slade and Shado, or the fact that Laurel’s role seems to have been reduced to nothing more than convenient legal advisor and perpetual middlewoman in various conflicts between her loved ones. No, this episode’s most important feature was the return of a very special guest star, the one and only SETH MOTHER-EFFING GABEL. You may know him from Fringe, Dirty Sexy Money, or from my dreams. Fortunately for everyone (and particularly my dignity), I’ve moved past the point where just seeing his face is enough to send me into a fit of sobs while clawing at the wall screaming, “LINCOOOOOLN!!!” but I still can’t look at him without hearing Phil Collins’ “You’ll Be in My Heart” playing in my head. So yeah… Baby steps.
Seth was back this week as the super-psycho drug dealer known as “The Count,” but you might as well just call him “Unfinished Business,” since that’s what he was to Oliver, who has a personal vendetta against the Count since his dangerous club drug Vertigo almost cost Thea her life. Speaking of Thea, she was conspicuously absent this episode, which was disappointing considering it meant we didn’t get to see any of her adorable beau and his glorious torso charming personality. It’s very possible that Colton Haynes and Felicity have become my favorite parts of this show. Also, Oliver and Dig’s bromance, which was on the rocks this episode. In the end, though, they were there for each other when it mattered most—because THAT’S WHAT LOVE IS.
Anyway, back to admiring Seth Gabel’s crazy-eyes…
This week’s episode of Arrow was chock-full of chase scenes, broken-down doors, and unresolved family trauma. It might not have been as consistent and well put-together as last week’s gem of an episode, but it was still pretty solid. Thumbs-up: Colton Haynes’ puppy dog eyes, Laurel’s wishbone necklace, shirtless pull-ups. Thumbs-down: Laurel’s mom (even though Alex Kingston is a goddess), Moira and Frank Chen’s Double Indemnity subplot. (RIP Frank.) But back to the part about shirtless pull-ups…
Okay, so it’s been two months since Fringe ended, and there’s still a Fringe-shaped hole in my soul, but just because it’s over doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to go on with our lives. And in case you hadn’t noticed, my life basically consists of lots of television. (And also cake.) After some really supportive feedback from you guys on Twitter, I decided to try my hand at photo recapping another show. So here goes… Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…my first Arrow photo recap! (Bear with me; it’s been a while since I did this…)
Welcome to my first ever photo precap! Rather than recapping an episode of a TV show, I’m going to use some of the promotional images from Joel Wyman’s new movie Dead Man Down (in theaters Friday, March 8th, AKA tomorrow) to give you a little preview of the film. Don’t be fooled by my ludicrous captions—the movie isn’t really about office parkour gone awry, or Colin Farrell and Dominic Cooper getting brunch together (but if it was, it would still be awesome). Enjoy this little teaser before you go see Dead Man Down in theaters. (And watch the actual trailer to get an idea of what the movie is really about.)
Fringe is over.
I still haven’t quite processed all the emotions that go along with that fact, but I imagine this feeling is something akin to how Wile E. Coyote felt when he ran off a cliff chasing the Roadrunner, pausing for a second in midair, at which point the Roadrunner handed him an anvil, causing him to plummet to the ground. Only, in this scenario, the anvil is our hearts, and the cliff is five seasons of heartbreaking, soul-crushing, blood-pumping, life-affirming Fringe. I never thought heartbreak could feel so good. I guess this is what John Mellencamp was talking about when he sang “Hurts So Good.”
I’m going to be honest—I’m pretty sure I started crying every time Lincoln came on screen. I don’t even know why; it was like this visceral reaction to having him back for those few precious minutes. If you had played a drinking game where you took a shot every time I started crying during the final episode of Fringe, you would have been passed out by the end of act I. Now, I’m not a crier in everyday life, but once fictional characters become involved, the tear ducts start flowing like a Champagne fountain at Beyoncé’s baby shower. The Fringe finale was like The Notebook + The Lion King x Brokeback Mountain to the power of Life Is Beautiful. Fortunately for everyone, the brilliant writers saw fit to inject enough humor and heart into the final chapter of Fringe that it made you smile almost as often as it made you weep. Whether or not I can recap this episode without my laptop suffering extensive water damage from my tears remains to be seen, but let’s see how it goes…