Quotes of the Week: ‘Cougar Town,’ ‘Community,’ & More

New Girl, season 1, episode 16, “Control”

“You’re like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, old magician crazy.” —Jess, to slightly neurotic Schmidt

Raising Hope, season 2, episode 17, “Spanks Butt, No Spanks”

“Somewhere between Mary Poppins and Precious.” —Virginia, on the appropriate amount of force behind an effective spanking

Cougar Town, season 3, episode 5, “A One Story Town”

“To me, people are just bags of skin that slow down my day.” —Ellie

Suburgatory, season 1, episode 17, “Independence Day”

“Dalia, you can’t just throw Hangover monkeys at the problem.” —Dallas, explaining to her daughter why buying a pet monkey won’t heal the pain of her parents’ divorce

Modern Family, season 3, episode 18,  “Send Out the Clowns”

“We were great together. We spoke each other’s language…we finished each other’s balloon animals.” —Cam, on his former clown partnership with Lewis

Happy Endings, season 2, episode 18, “Party of Six”

“You know what I was thinking about? If Mary Tyler Moore married and then divorced Steven Tyler then married and divorced Michael Moore then got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore?—Max

Community, season 3, episode 11, “Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts”

“I’ve loved you ever since there was a Soviet Union and only one Damon Wayans.” —Andre, proposing to Shirley

30 Rock, season 6, episode 12, “St. Patrick’s Day”

Tracy: “Siri, kill Jenna!”
Siri: “I killed Jenna Elfman. Is that right?”

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Posted on March 17, 2012, in Quotes, Television and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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