Photo Recap: Star Wars: A New Hope

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A film?! Pop Culture Nexus photo recapped a film?! Yes, we did.

To celebrate the site’s two-year anniversary, we decided to work together to recap one of the most iconic films in the country universe. Star Wars: A New Hope. Cue the 20th Century Fox Fanfare and iconic THX sound.

 

If you are a regular reader, thanks for supporting Pop Culture Nexus, and you know the history of photo recaps on the site so you can skip ahead to the opening scene. If you are new to the site and photo recaps, WELCOME! Here’s a brief history (we promise this is less boring than watching paint dry). In 2012, Louise, one of the creators of this site, was inspired by Price Peterson’s Vampire Diaries photo recaps on TV.com, and she decided to apply that fun form of storytelling to Fringe.  Her first episode was season 4, episode 8 “Back to Where You’ve Never Been,” and after a few posts, she was surprised to find that fans were actually reading them. Shortly after, Mary began creating photo captions for Fringe and Castle. The end. See, that wasn’t so bad. So, to celebrate two years of Pop Culture Nexus, we decided to travel to uncharted territory—a galaxy far, far away. We’re glad you could join us on this journey and we hope you have fun.

May the Force be with you,

–Mary & Louise

*This is solely for entertainment purposes. Everything related to Star Wars is owned by 20th Century Fox, Disney, and Lucasfilm. Pop Culture Nexus owns nothing.

Screencaptures are from ladymanson.com

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George Lucas followed Joseph Campbell’s recipe for the monomyth to the tee, including the part about the squabbling, married couple.

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Uh oh! Daddy’s home and he had a rough day at the office. Can’t blame him though. His boss is a cranky, shriveled-up Sith Lord in dire need of a dental appointment. Daddy Vader makes quite the entrance to visit his daughter on Tantive IV and chide her for wearing a bed sheet as a dress. He works too hard to have his little girl prancing around in an outfit from Bed Bath & Beyond.

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That’ll ruin your day.

Leia devised a way to send for help using R2-D2 as a go-between.  Call it the space-age version of a message in a bottle.

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Father and daughter relationships are special. While most fathers bond with their daughters by teaching them how to ride a bicycle or drive a car, Darth Vader bonds with his little girl by interrogating her into telling him where the rebel base is located. Father of the year! Leia is a feisty one though, and when she was younger, she probably wanted to practice using her blaster on the family cat instead of eating her mashed peas.

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Meanwhile, R2 and 3P0 were off on their own involuntary version of The Amazing Race, complete with pointless bickering. No one said droid marriage was easy. R2 decided to go his own way and got into major trouble, which should serve as a lesson for all of us: work things out with your spouse, because if you walk away, you may end up getting kidnapped by three-foot-tall Sand People.

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And so the two droids split up, which anyone who has ever seen a horror movie can tell you is a terrible idea.

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R2’s misfortune is the perfect backdrop for Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day.”

Looks like the folks at Disney sat with Lucas around a Mickey Mouse shaped conference table long before the takeover that transpired this year.

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Depending on which version you’re watching, you might notice a few new C.G.I. dewbacks…because that’s exactly what the original Star Wars was missing…

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Oh, hey—who’s this kid with the pseudo bowl-cut and the Charlie Brown walk?

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Like many teenage boys, Luke spent a good portion of the evening holed up in his room staring at images of girls way out of his league.

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Oh, Luke… I know it’s not his fault, but a pretty good portion of his screen time in the first movie is just one big facepalm.

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Luke then went off to sulk and ponder life’s biggest mysteries as other teenagers have done. What is he, really, if he is not a girl, but not yet a woman?

Luke.Britney

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First, his uncle makes him miss Top Model, then he gets knocked unconscious by a Tusken Raider. This kid just keeps getting b**ch-slapped by the universe.

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Meanwhile at Obi-Wan’s man cave, Luke discovers his father was a great pilot, but Obi-Wan fails to tell him he has a twin sister whom he may or may not have already had several fantasies about. Someone call Maury.

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Having found the intended recipient of Leia’s S.O.S., R2 finally played her entire message.

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While Luke was drooling over his sister, the Galactic Empire was holding its weekly Executive Leadership Team meeting to discuss project plans, budgets, and staff morale. One thing that has definitely been affecting morale is color. Who was the genius that thought it was a good idea to hire a goth interior designer? Everything is painted black—the walls, table, and ceiling. If there was a power outage, they would be royally screwed. Governor Tarkin should bring some color to this dreary joint. He could even start a blog about it: “Redecorating the Death Star,” which could then lead to TV show called “Flip This Death Star.” I hope you’re taking notes, HGTV.

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…But not as disturbing as some of George Lucas’ unnecessary C.G.I. additions…

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The gang encountered some minor trouble (more like a nuisance, really) with the local storm troopers, but it was nothing a little Jedi mind trick couldn’t smooth over.

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It’s nice to know that even in galactic bars, the usual stuff happens: bar fights, guys get so drunk they speak Wookiee, and you run into a lifelong member of the badboy club. At this point, I’m not sure who I’d be more terrified of: Obi-Wan, or Han.

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Han Solo oozes cockiness. Every guy wants to be him, and every girl secretly wants to date him.  It’s also that vest…it’s bringing sexy back. winking

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Han Solo thought it was his lucky day until he ran into the over-sized slug who got cut from A Bug’s Life.

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Lucky Han is a smooth talker, or he would’ve ended up as Jabba’s afternoon snack…or his evening entertainment. Not long after the whole crew was aboard the Millennium Falcon, Han started to regret allowing Mr. Miyagi and Daniel-san on his ship…

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While they were getting to know each other in a dark, confined space, Leia was still being very vocal about her refusal to cooperate with her captors.

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And now, we interrupt this photo recap with an infomercial… Move over, Suzanne Somers ThighMaster! There’s a new fitness product in town: the Lightsaber. Lightsabers come in various colors and will help you lose six pounds in just the first week. Just watch young Luke Skywalker burn those calories away doing Force-aerobics.  Please consult your doctor before starting the Lightsaber program. Side effects may include amputation, paralysis, blindness, and sexual fantasies about your sister.

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They had a little trouble locating Alderaan, but on the plus side, Luke really improved his chess skills.

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When the Millennium Falcon was captured by the Galactic Empire, Han Solo resorted to what he does best: hiding under the floorboards. All those years of hiding underneath the bed, in the closet, and outside the window when girls’ parents came home prepared him for this predicament.

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After escaping capture, the guys devised a great plan to split up. (Once again, disaster is imminent.)

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R2 tried to keep everyone focused on the task at hand.  This would probably have been easier if he was taller and spoke English.

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That Han Solo…he sure is a selfless and compassionate hero.

Time for one of the most brilliant subterfuge operations ever executed: the Wookiee prisoner trick! Step one: laugh hysterically as Luke attempts to put handcuffs on Chewie.

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The plan to rescue the sleeping princess was going so well until Han Solo tried to make small talk with an Imperial officer to cover up the kerfuffle they had caused.

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Luke found Leia taking a power nap in her cell. Personally, I was a little surprised she wasn’t pumping iron or giving herself a prison tattoo or something.

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Luke seemed a little disappointed that he didn’t have to kiss the princess to wake her up or something. Hate to break it to you, Skywalker, but Leia is no Snow White. Also, she’s your sister.

With the liberation of Leia and all her Cinnabon-coiffed sass, it was finally time to start getting s**t done.

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Good news: they managed to evade capture. Bad news: they ended up in the garbage disposal.

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Once again, Luke proved that he is not the brains of this operation by enacting his grand plan to scream at C3P0 until the droid saved them…

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Never underestimate the importance of manners, even when faced with the prospect of being crushed to death in a pit of garbage.

Still not out of the woods, they tried to shoot their way to freedom, despite being heavily out-gunned. Let’s put this in the “Things You Shouldn’t Do in Battle” file.

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THIS WEEK ON ‘ULTIMATE FIGHTER: GEEZER EDITION’…THE UNDEFEATED OBI-WAN KENOBI TAKES ON THE GOTH ASTHMATIC, DARTH VADER. [CUE THEME MUSIC]

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RIP, Obi-Wan Kenobi. We hardly knew ye. And who knew you looked so much like that guy from Moulin Rouge! when you were younger?

His death would not be in vain. With the Rebel Alliance behind them, they would orchestrate a plan to destroy the Death Star. But first, an adorable bonding moment between Luke and Han.

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Or are they…? DUN DUN DUNNNN!

Also, this:

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Woah there, Han. Be careful where you point that thing. I haven’t seen a hair whip that deadly since…

And while we’re on the subject of dramatic hair…

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Oh Han, you big ol’ softie. Don’t share all your feelings at once, now. You might hurt yourself. And hey, you should be nicer to Luke because he’s going to put himself in some serious danger in about two minutes.

As luck would have it, there is a fatal flaw in the Death Star! It’s just, you know, nearly impossible to reach without getting blown to smithereens. Also, are we the only ones who think the description of how to destroy the Death Star sounds a lot like a sex ed class taught by a football coach? “Now, see here, what you do is just shoot through this narrow opening and pray that one of your laser beams gets through to fertilize blow up the Death Star. Alright, son? Now, git ‘er done!”

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Leia decided to give Luke an innocent kiss on the cheek before he went off to face his probable death, not realizing how much therapy it was going to cost them when they find out they’re related.

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Things got pretty hairy out there, but Luke kept his cool and remembered what Obi-Wan had taught him: never order appetizers on a first date.

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HUZZAH! Luke Skywalker successfully triggered the explosion of the Death Star! With some help, of course.

After getting in touch with the Force and helping save the galaxy by preventing the Death Star from continuing its crop-dusting of evil, Luke ran straight into the arms of…Han. And for the first time, Han actually looked like he didn’t want to punch Luke in the face. It was a very touching moment.

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Almost as touching as the reunion between the squabbling droid lovers, one of whom looked a little worse for wear.

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Fortunately a little WD-40 fixed him right up.

Apparently a failed (and unknowing) attempt at patricide is enough to get a party thrown in your honor! Or at least a fancy medal ceremony. Look who got all dolled up for the occasion! You can tell Luke matured during the course of the movie because he’s wearing black now. And his facial expression makes him look like a background dancer in a Christina Aguilera video.

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Well, there you have it. A cultural icon boiled down to two-hundred-and-some photos with an array of nonsensical—and occasionally grammatically incorrect—captions. We hope you laughed at least once. Remember that all (attempted) jokes were made out of love for the source material. Especially those at the expense of Luke. (We’re only hard on the kid because we love him.) We’ve both been Star Wars fans for as long as we can remember, so it was a surreal experience for us to put our own spin on a story that has been such a big part of our lives. We are so thankful to George Lucas and everyone who helped bring Star Wars to life. And as always, we want to thank the fans, because you understand our passion for Star Wars…and Fringe…and Firefly, and the dozens of other stories that consume our lives. What good is it being obsessed with fictional worlds if you don’t have anyone to share it with? Thanks for all your support over the last two years. We couldn’t have done it without you.

May the Force be with you.

–Mary & Louise

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Posted on September 9, 2013, in Film, Photo Recaps, Sci-Fi, Star Wars and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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