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Quotes of the Week: ‘Modern Family,’ ‘House,’ ‘Parks & Rec,’ & More

The Good Wife 3×03 “Get a Room”

“Oh, where do you live–fairyland?” -Eli Gold

How I Met Your Mother 7×05 “Field Trip”

“Oh, I’m not going to die. I bought an old mine shaft in Colorado, and I’ve spent the last six months filling it with canned goods, assault rifles, and all five seasons of Friday Night Lights.” -Garrison Cootes

“Pollstered.” -Barney

House 8×02 “Transplant”

“Hey, we both assaulted our bosses. We’re like twins!” -House

Gossip Girl 5×03 “The Jewel of Denial”

“Chuck, you felt nothing after Field of Dreams so I’m taking it to the next level. If that movie can’t make you feel, maybe this little guy can.” -Dan (attempting to use a dog to get Chuck to feel)

Modern Family 3×05 “Hit and Run”

“Pretty soon we’ll be stopping at every corner. Why don’t you go ask Canada how that’s working out for them?” -Councilman Bailey

“You are going to school not boarding a flight to Denver.” -Manny (on kids with rolling backpacks)

“We get your old rocking horse and we chop the head off.” -Gloria

“The beavers- they build the dams all over the country so there’s no floods. It’s the ‘beaver-ization’ of the Americas.” -Gloria

Up All Night 1×05 “Mr. Bob’s Toddler Kaleidoscope”

“Guy’s got a PhD in Peek-A-Boo.” “God, he’s probably got a Master’s in Got-Your-Nose.” -Reagan and Chris

Community 3×04 “Remedial Chaos Theory”

“It’s called friendship. Look it up. Encarta it.” -Pierce

Parks and Recreation 4×04 “Pawnee Rangers”

“I’ve been standing in the water with the fish on my hook for thirty minutes. I saw it on an episode of I Love Lucy.” -Ann

The Office 8×04 “Garden Party”

“Hey Andy, how about you don’t steal my business strategies, and I won’t dress like my life is just one long brunch.” -Gabe

The League 3×02 “The Sukkah”

“What’s wrong with public schools? I stole this hammer from a public school.” -Taco

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