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Top 5 TV Moments This Week: Dance Like No One Is Watching, Coif Like No One Is Judging

Left to right: Burt visits a gay bar on ‘Raising Hope’ (Fox), Klaus sports a new wig on ‘The Vampire Diaries’ (The CW), & Dallas and George share a kiss in the rain on ‘Suburgatory’ (ABC)

This week was a rough one. Sandy wrought havoc on the east coast, as well as the prime time TV schedule. If you’re reading this, congratulations on having electricity (unless you’re reading this on an iPhone that you charged at a 7-11). I hope you’re all safe and sound. TV has been dominated by coverage of Sandy and the aftermath, but in between all that, there were some great moments on TV this week. Here are five highlights from this past week…

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Quotes of the Week: ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ ’30 Rock,’ & More

Here’s a look at some of this week’s most memorable quotes…

How I Met Your Mother 7×21 “Now We’re Even”

“No, I demolished a box of Froot Loops fully nude.” —Ted, correcting Lily after she claimed he ate an entire box of Froot Loops in his tightey-whiteys

Castle 4×21 “Headhunters”

“That was awesome! Beckett never drives on the sidewalk!” —Castle, on his new daredevil partner Slaughter’s driving

Suburgatory 1×19 “Entering Eden”

“Yakult was living as a gay male dog in East Chatswin.” —Dalia

Cougar Town 3×08 “Ways to Be Wicked”

“Why does this school even have a cougar? Nothing here has anything to do with cougars.” —Sig, on his college’s inexplicable statue of a cougar in the quad (but really it was a hilarious dig at the irrelevant title of the show)

Community 3×16 “Virtual Systems Analysis”

“I used a mnemonic device: ‘Kevin Come Over For Gay Sex.'” —Pierce, on how he remembers the order of taxonomic classifications in Biology

30 Rock 6×18 “Murphy Brown Lied to Us”

“You’re the one who insisted on hiring American engineers. All they teach us now is how to build roller coasters and Survivor challenges.” —KouchTown engineer to Jack

The Vampire Diaries 3×19 “Heart of Darkness”

“Didn’t you find it weird that you made a friend so fast? Have you met you?” —Damon to Jeremy, who had unknowingly befriended an Original while living in Denver

Quotes of the Week: ‘Modern Family,’ ‘The Voice,’ & More

How I Met Your Mother, season 7, episode 18: “Karma”

Barney: “What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again, but I don’t know how I feel about her being a stripper.”
Ted: “Why would you have an issue with that? You’ve dated convicted felons, arms dealers, pageant moms…”

2 Broke Girls, season 1, episode 18: “And the One-Night Stands”

“I blew up a Chipotle for you!” —Irish (to Max)

The Voice, season 2, episode 5

Blake: “I love you, Adam.”
Adam: “I love you too…in a totally nonsexual way.”
Blake: “I can’t say the same.”

Castle, season 4, episode 17: “Once Upon a Crime”

Beckett: “Speaking of which…”
Castle: “Actors or psychopaths?”
Beckett: “I was thinking about your mother.”
Castle: “Oh, so a little bit of both.”

Cougar Town, season 3, episode 3: “Lover’s Touch”

Ellie: “I miss being a ho.”
Laurie: “You want back in? Because we’ll take you back.”

Suburgatory, season 1, episode16: “Poetic Injustice”

“This is Finn. He’s uncircumcised!” —Dallas, introducing her new croquet partner

Modern Family season 3, episode 17: “Leap Day”

“Okay birthday boy, what’s it gonna be? Rom-com or horror? Or we could do both and watch Maid in Manhattan.” —Mitchell

Happy Endings, season 2, episode 16: “Cocktails & Dreams”

“Ooh! Floor bacon!” —Max

30 Rock season 6, episode 10: “Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky”

“I just had an emergency meeting with legal, and we can no longer use the words ‘hit,’ ‘great show,’ ‘fun,’ or ‘broadcast television.'” —Jack

Quotes of the Week: ‘Cougar Town,’ ‘New Girl,’ & More

Left to right: Laurie & the gang TP it up on 'Cougar Town,' Mitchell & Cam drown their sorrows on 'Modern Family,' & Brad mimicks his fashion idol Grant on 'Happy Endings'

Let’s review the week’s most notable quotables, shall we?…

How I Met Your Mother, season 7, episode 16: “The Drunk Train”

Marshall: “How did I know that he would eat my wallet?”
Lily: “Why was your wallet filled with chocolate?!”
Marshall: “So we’re back to that argument?”

Cougar Town, season 3, episode 1: “Ain’t Love Strange”

Laurie (in response to Tom’s suggestion that they break in his new hot tub): “I’m gonna have to throw my ‘too creepy’ flag!”

Glee, season 3, episode 13: “Heart”

Rachel’s dad: “Honesty. Respect. Dance. Those are the foundations of the Berry family.”

New Girl, season 1, episode 13: “Valentine’s Day”

Schmidt: “Outliers? You should read it. Malcolm Gladwell. It’s one of my desert island books, along with Machiavelli’s The Prince, Freak by John Leguizamo, any of the scripts from the first season of The Vampire Diaries, a little Phantom T…”

Raising Hope, season 2, episode 14: “Jimmy’s Fake Girlfriend”

Jimmy: “I hate this. I feel like I’m tangled in a dirty web of lies.”
Virginia: “Don’t think of it as a dirty web of lies. Think of it as a warm cocoon of lies.”

Suburgatory, season 1, episode 14: “The Body”

Mr Wolfe: “Ariel, our student body president stepped down this morning due to unexpected fatness.”

Modern Family, season 3, episode 15: “Aunt Mommy”

Cam: “I’m playing a new drinking game, it’s called, ‘Every time I’m depressed I take a drink.'”
Mitchell: “That game exists. It’s called alcoholism.”

Happy Endings, season 2, episode 14: “Everybody Loves Grant”

Brad: “I used to think Michael Caine was perfect. Until I met Grant.”

The Vampire Diaries, season 3, episode 15: “All My Children”

Elijah: “In any case, you have until six minutes after 9 to find me.”
Damon: “Wow, how super specific of you.”

30 Rock, season 6, episode 9: “The Tuxedo Begins”

Kenneth (to Liz & Pete): “When I move on to my new job, I’m sure gonna miss you two and your whole Sam and Diane thing… Sam and Diane are the lesbian couple in my building who murdered each other.”

Parks & Recreation, season 4, episode 15: “Dave Returns”

Tom: “I don’t wanna brag, but I have a ton of experience with women being mad at me.”

Up All Night, season 1, episode 16: “Travel Day”

Amanda (to Ava): “We really are the Simon and Garfunkel of Hip Hop.”


Quotes of the Week: ’30 Rock,’ ‘Suburgatory,’ ‘Modern Family,’ & More

Mr. Schuester tries to find his "duende" on 'Glee,' Martin Short lectures Ted on spring roll etiquette on 'How I Met Your Mother,' and Barney laments the difficulties of tax season on 'Raising Hope'

How I Met Your Mother, season 7, episode 15, “The Burning Beekeeper”

Garrison Cootes (to Ted): “Your breath reeks of shredded carrots and deceit!”

Castle, season 4, episode 14, “The Blue Butterfly”

Castle (narrating the ’40s P.I.’s journal): “As they stared into each other’s eyes, Kate’s heart quickened…”
Beckett: “Did you just say Kate? Are you picturing the P.I. as you, and me as the gangster’s moll?”

Glee, season 3, episode 12, “The Spanish Teacher”

Santana (on Mr. Schuester’s Spanish teaching): “Why don’t you just dress up as the Taco Bell chihuahua and bark the theme song to Dora the Explorer?”

Raising Hope, season 2, episode 13, “Tarot Cards”

Barney (on trying to do Frank’s taxes): “He doesn’t believe in the number 8, and he claims a scorpion as a dependent.”

Suburgatory, season 1, episode 13, “Sex in the Suburbs”

Tessa (to her Africa-obsessed boyfriend): “Kiss me, Scott. Kiss me like I’m Africa.”

Modern Family, season 3, episode 14, “Me? Jealous?”

Phil: “He got divorced and his whole life opened up. Guy’s living the dream…his dream, not my dream. I’m living my dream. You’re my dream.”

30 Rock, season 6, episode 6, “Hey, Baby, What’s Wrong?”

Tracy: “Lutz, prepare for the adventure of a lifetime! And after we watch Fievel Goes West, we’re going to get you some action!”

Jack: “Admit the UN is useless.”
Cjokula: “It is! Half the building is a laser tag arena.”
Diana: “Admit it’s annoying when Bono comes around.”
Cjokula: “Oh, it’s the worst. Every time he says he’s not hungry when we collect money for pizza, and then he eats like three slices!”

Quotes of the Week: Strip Clubs, Hookers, & NBC Sitcoms

Barney assumes leadership of the gang on 'How I Met Your Mother,' Schmidt pays a hefty douchebag fine on 'New Girl,' and Fred bets the farm (and his pants) on 'Suburgatory.'

Happy weekend! You know what that means: it’s time to catch up on all the TV you missed this week, and reflect on the highs and lows of the past week. Here are the hilarious highlights from this week of television…

How I Met Your Mother 7×14 “46 Minutes”

Barney: “Tonight is gonna be LEGEN… wait, are we sure it’s a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut up, Lily, I’m in charge now… DARY!”

2 Broke Girls 1×14 “And the Upstairs Neighbor”

Caroline: “Earl, does she look like a hooker?”
Earl: “I don’t like to judge a book by its cover. But if she was a book, she would be the kind that other books paid for sex.”

Glee 3×10 “Yes/No”

Coach Roz: “If you pee in my pool, I will kill you.”

Raising Hope 2×11 “Mrs. Smartypants”

Virginia: “So put down the book and go watch TV. And nothing smart. No PBS, and no NBC sitcoms.”

Suburgatory 1×12 “The Casino Trip”

George (to a very anxious and pants-less Fred): “Where are your pants?”
Fred: “I bet them.”

Modern Family 3×13 “Little Bo Bleep”

Phil: “Some voters find Claire angry and unlikeable. To those voters I would say…wait till she reads this.”

30 Rock 6×02 “Idiots Are People Two!”

Jack (showing Liz a pie chart of TGS viewership): “Who do you think watches your show? Black nerds, Jet Blue passengers who fell asleep with the TV on, pets whose owners have died, and…idiots.”

New Girl 1×10 “The Story of the 50”

Schmidt: “Darn it, has anyone seen my croquet cleats?”

Parks & Recreation 4×12 “Campaign Ad”

Ron (breaking bad news to a Parks Dept. employee): “The important thing is the dam is never happening, and your dream has been crushed.”

Quotes of the Week: ‘The Bachelor,’ ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ & More

The Bachelor 16×01

“Maybe we can share a tampon sometime.” -Resident nut-job Jenna to Monica after confronting her about her attitude

How I Met Your Mother 7×13 “Tailgate”

Marshall (visiting his father’s grave): “I think the most appropriate way to honor your memory today is to get blasted and watch the Vikings make the Bears their furry little bitches. Go Vikes!”

2 Broke Girls 1×13 “And the Secret Ingredient”

Caroline (commenting on Max’s card choice for her mother): “Get better soon? I thought you said it was a birthday card.”
Max: “It is. That’s the only one that seemed appropriate for our relationship.”

Pretty Little Liars 2×14 “Through Many Dangers, Toils and Snares”

Hanna (trying to deduce the gender of the mysterious “A”): “Any sense of boobs?”

Suburgatory 1×10 “Driving Miss Dalia”

Dallas: “Dalia’s getting her driver’s license, or so we hope. Third time’s the charm!”
George: “Oh, she failed twice already?”
Dallas: “Oh God, no. I’m rounding down from six.”

Quotes of the Week: ‘The Walking Dead,’ ‘Community,’ ‘Grimm,’ & More

Troy on 'Community,' Ron Swanson on 'Parks & Rec,' and The (Reformed) Big Bad Wolf on NBC's 'Grimm'

It was a spooky week of Halloween-themed episodes, not to mention a few reimagined fairy tales. Here are some highlights from this week:

Once Upon A Time 1×01 “Once Upon A Time”

“Frozen in time stuck in Storybrooke, Maine. That’s what you’re going with?” -Emma

The Walking Dead 2×02 “Bloodletting”

“It’s a waste of time, all this hopin’ and prayin’. Cause we’re gonna locate that little girl, and she’s gonna be just fine. Am I the only one Zen around here? Good Lord.” -Daryl

Gossip Girl 5×05 “The Fasting and the Furious”

“If only you could be me for a day and I could be you, and we’d both get what we want. But since we’re not in a Jason Bateman movie, we have to think of another plan.” -Chuck

Suburgatory 1×05 “Halloween”

“We’re performing an exorcism tonight. But we don’t have a lot of time. Hoarders comes on in an hour.” -Lisa

Community 3×05 “Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps”

“You ruined a Britta party. That’s like letting poop spoil.” -Troy

Parks & Recreation 4×05 “Meet N Greet”

Lowe’s Employee: “Hi there! Is there a project you’re working on?”

Ron: “I know more than you.”

The Office 8×05 “Spooked”

“Every Halloween I tell him the same thing: you can’t bring weapons into the office. And every year he says the same thing: as soon as I get my weapons back I’m gonna kill you.” -Toby (referring to Dwight)

Grimm 1×01 “Pilot”

“How do I stay good? Through a strict regimen of diet, drugs, and Pilates.” -The Big Bad Wolf

What were your favorite quotes from this week? Hit up the comments section, or tweet us @PopCultureNexus!

Quotes of the Week: ‘Survivor,’ ‘2 Broke Girls,’ ‘Suburgatory,’ & More

Left to right: Cochran from 'Survivor,' Nathan Fillion on 'Castle,' and Sofia Vergara on 'Modern Family'

Here are some memorable quotes from this week of television:

The Good Wife 3×04 “Feeding the Rat”

“How was whoring?” -Alicia to Will

How I Met Your Mother 7×06 “Mystery Vs. History”

“Oh my God. They’re six minutes into the date … Ted’s probably already told her he loves her!” -Barney

2 Broke Girls 1×05 “And the ’90s Horse Party”

“Was your childhood based on the novel Push by Sapphire?” -Caroline

Castle 4×05 “Eye of the Beholder”

Castle: “You’re not trying to fix me up again! Haven’t you learned your lesson after the last fiasco?”

Martha: “Fiasco? You married her.”

Castle: “Yes! And how did that marriage end?”

Suburgatory 1×04 “Don’t Call Me Shirley”

“I am in a full blown panic… I haven’t felt this vulnerable since I test drove a Smart Car.” -Dallas

Modern Family 3×06 “Go Bullfrogs!” 

“What do you mean, ‘she blossom’? Like, the poo-berty?” -Gloria

Survivor 23×06 “Free Agent”

“I’m a sparkling water person.” -Cochran (explaining his hesitation to slide down the natural rock formation water slide into a lake)

Last week’s TV shows reviewed in one blog post by Johnny D-Lights

Blogger John Dellaporta gives his thoughts on Community, Pan Am, Suburgatory, Modern Family, Happy Endings, Grimm, and Once Upon a Time. Read it here.

You can follow John on Twitter @JohnDellaporta

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